By: NaturalHi © 2006
Believe it or not this isn’t a love poem. My eyes don’t twinkle at the sight of her. My skin doesn’t
miss her touch...her kisses. Missing her isn't an option for the preservation of self I long to be
free…but not of her…with her. Experience the complacency of being in love instead of waiting for
the “ball to drop.” Interchangeable submission and comfort is what my heart desires…and I can’t
get that through loving her or so I am told. Second chances are hard to come by but I gave her
one wrapped in a pretty bow and handed it too her with a fake smile all the while fearing the
inevitable… putting the perpetual ball in motion hoping that the little voice inside my head would
just stop talking. Screaming your worth is a mystery to her…one she could never solve….but I
digressed. Because she told me what I wanted to hear…She said,” I made a mistake.” I willed her
back to me and there I fell into the notion of being in love instead of being loved for who I am. So
you should believe me now when I say this is NOT a love poem...at least it’s not one by ordinary
standards. Being in conflict with myself I expected emotional and physical refuge and refused to
see the writing on the wall. Caution: This kind of emotion may be hazardous to your heart! I dove
right on in and wet my face with the illusion of real love. And a piece of me died.
I didn’t want to comprehend what I was hearing, though my spirit has longed for quite some time
to do what she was attempting. There was a sinking feeling within me as her lips started to part
she said, “I fear this will never be what we hoped it could…for my Will is outshone by one far
greater than I.” My eyes welled with the tears she never could shed for me...for us. Her words
rang out and fell on deaf ears as silence became the tallest wall between us both. And as for her
words…Well, they couldn’t find something that chose to stay hidden. She craved what she felt
was an addiction. So, Redemption from this kind of love was her said desire. Could this loss be
the sign I asked to be shown to me? Countless disappointments should have sufficed but I guess
the price wasn’t high enough for me. But she was willing to give it all up to save herself…from
me?...or the mighty wrath of HE? Who’s to say which is true? Getting too close for comfort is
enough to make even the boldest heart seek safe haven…even in religion. So, she foreclosed on
the very idea of love before a proper foundation was built. But if it were really her soul she hoped
to save…redemption from this love I gave...HER. No more reminders of hopes and dreams
eternal, because the things she promised me are irrelevant. Now confusion consumes my entire
being… Should my faith in HE waiver because SHE is who I love? So, you see this is no ordinary
love poem. What HE has in store is beyond me, but for now SHE has my heart and love’s
redemption may be the only key. Peace.
